Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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