i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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