matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
