Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
