Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
