Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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