Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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