May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
