She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
