1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
