I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
