Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
