I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
