is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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