I wish my penis had an off switch
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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