North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
