My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
