did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
