i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
