You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
