If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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