Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
