Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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