I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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