My first STD was from a foam party
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
