I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
