I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
