Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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