i think i have two assholes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
