Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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