Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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