Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
