i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
