it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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