I molested 6 butterflies tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
