you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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