WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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