kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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