i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
