I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
