Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
