Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
