One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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