i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
