She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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