I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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