apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
