My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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