I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love you. Go after that dick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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