Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
