Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
